I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
