This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
