i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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