i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
