ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
