I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
