Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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