apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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