I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
