I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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