why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
