**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
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