does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
