I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
