She's JV to your varsity
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize