I think my fart just growled at me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
