I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
