Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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