she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
