Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
literally had 100 drinks last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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