i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
