would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
