I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize