that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
