Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
