I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
