i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
pray to the hookup gods
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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