I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
