Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just had sex bonerless
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
