You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
