I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
