im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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