there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
