so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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