You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize