Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
