my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
