I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
