Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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