Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
