eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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