well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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