You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
