I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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