I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
