he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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