I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
