my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
