I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
