new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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