I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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