dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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