Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
