hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
