i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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