I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
my liver is dry heaving
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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