6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
