Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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