who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
