I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
home. puking in laundry basket.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
