he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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