Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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