i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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