Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
