I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize