The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
