Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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