I wish I could teleport
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
