You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
