Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
